Just last week was mother's day. I was asked to speak in Relief Society about the challenges & joys of being a mother of teenagers. It was suppose to be 3 mins. but I am used to preparing about 30-45 mins. for Sunday School. I am sure that it is also a well know fact that I am somewhat long winded, and a favorite subject is of course my children. I decided to record the words I prepared for 2 reasons, 1:Today was a day of challenges. 2: Today was a day of joys.
So, here it is (with a little tweaking):
For those of you that don’t know…I am sure most of you do…but I have 7 teenagers. Sara is 19 today, Happy Birthday Sara. Chelsey is 18; Jacob, John & Tony are 16. Taylor and Rachel are 13. I take my role as a mother VERY seriously…my teenagers will testify to that, sometime too seriously. So, much of the time I get consumed by the challenges much more than the joys. So, I am sincerely grateful to be asked to speak on this subject so that I could reflect on this subject.
The Challenge #1: In the Proclamation to the family it reads: "HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love
and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness,
to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever
they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations. "
To me that is HUGE…and at times a bit overwhelming. So how do we do it?
"If we desire others, especially our children, to be obedient to gospel principles, we must first look to our own integrity and obedience. When we live by correct principles, our children will be more likely to follow our example.
Our obedience, however, does not assure us an easy life free of problems nor that our children will automatically follow our example. However, by earnestly seeking the Lord's help and striving to be good parents, our chances for success will be greatly increased.
The example of an honest parent humbly struggling to live the gospel can greatly influence children. Despite what we might think, children are not discouraged by imperfect parents. In fact, parental honesty, along with parental repentance, is important. A parent who admits his own wrongs and honestly strives to overcome them is trying to become perfect. His honest behavior invites his children to be honest. Parents who honor the covenants and promises they make with God and men teach integrity to their children." (Family Home Evening Resource Book, Building a Strong Family, Personal Integrity—The Key to Example, 236)
I love the part that says: Despite what we might think, children are not discouraged by imperfect parents. Because I am painfully aware that I am not perfect…another reason I am so serious.
Challenge #2: "Agency is the power and freedom to make choices, right or wrong. Children are able to grow the most when they can exercise their agency. However, when they use their agency to choose the wrong, they limit their future happiness. To make choices properly, children need knowledge. They need to understand the alternatives, and they need the freedom to choose. As a parent, allowing your children to exercise their agency and choose for themselves is one of the greatest challenges you may face. Some parents force their children to do right, denying them the right of agency." (Family Home Evening Resource Book, Building a Strong Family, Agency—The Key to Growth, 237)
This has been a huge challenge for me…it has taught me to get on my knees more often, to trust in the Lord, to have faith that the efforts I have made with each child will help them know of my love for them. It has taught me more about the atonement and the plan of salvation. I have grown much during this stage of motherhood. It has taught me how incredible blessed I am that these special spirits were entrusted to me, which reconfirms that my Heavenly Father loves me & knows me!
The Joys: As I was discussing this subject with my husband, he said “I don’t want to say anything because then you will quote me.” So, shhhh, no one tell him I quoted him, but he said “don’t get up there and just brag about the kids.” He knows me too well! I love to sing the praises of my children, but I will heed my husbands counsel and not boast about my children (too much).
Of course I can not take full credit for the incredible people my children are becoming. Much has to do with their own choices and help from our Heavenly Father, wonderful primary teachers, YM/YW leaders, seminary teachers, grandparents, and other awesome examples they have had throughout their lives.
As I watch my teenagers grow…the joy comes from watching the fruit of my labors come to realization. There is great satisfaction in one of my children coming to me and relaying a truth or subject learned from one of these examples (angels in their lives) that I have tried and tried to reinforce in their lives. (Here is a little bragging, don’t tell Chris.) My heart swells with pride and joy hearing them bear their testimony, or give a talk in church, teaching a lesson in fhe, or singing a scripture mastery song they learned in seminary. Sharing precious memories about when we spent time together as a family. Knowing they are graduating from seminary. Or watching their accomplishments, like being voted student body president, finishing a year of college while working & cheering, working 2 jobs while still in high school & doing cheer, being accepted to BYU-I, getting their first job, getting the best grades they have ever had, being on the varsity wrestling team as a freshman, watching them in performances, at games or matches. Knowing they are just an Eagle Project away from being an Eagle Scout. Watching the love they have for one another…though sweet embraces or relentless teasing. These and so many more are the sweet joys that I have as a mother of teenagers!
Thomas S. Monson said: This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now.
This wise counsel from our dear prophet is the message that I needed to refocus on and that I hope you will take with you today. Find joy in the journey. Our teenagers grow up and move away…enjoy those moments of silly laughter, messy rooms, loud music, long stories about crazy friends. Enjoy the chances they have to make their own choices…and praise them for those good choices.
I would like to close with a scripture: 3 John 1: 2 & 4 2 Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 4 I have no greater
joy than to hear that my
children walk in truth.
Mr Jackson announcing about our Chelsey
Mr Jackson announcing about our Chelsey
